Your heart rate spikes the second you see your toddler’s hand go up near the baby. You are stressed because your toddler keeps hitting the baby. Your response is urgent; it’s frightening, and underneath the panic is a question that feels almost too heavy to ask: does my toddler want to hurt the baby? Almost never, and you continue to ask yourself whether you are the only one whose toddler keeps hitting the baby?
Let me assure you, there is nothing wrong with your older child, and you are certainly not the only family going through this. Every family goes through this at some stage and in varying ways. And in my opinion, those who don’t talk about it either forget or are afraid to share their experiences for fear of being judged.
You do need to act, calmly and quickly, in the moment — and understand what’s actually driving it. This article will help you through it.
Table of Contents
Why My Toddler Keeps Hitting the Baby?
A toddler’s nervous system doesn’t yet have the wiring to hold big feelings and translate them into words. When jealousy, fear, or overwhelm build up faster than they can process, the body finds the fastest possible release — and for a toddler, that’s often a physical one. This isn’t malice. It’s an immature nervous system doing the only thing it currently knows how to do with a feeling that’s too big to hold.
All they know is their world isn’t the same any more, and they don’t have the words or comprehension yet to articulate how they feel, so instead it comes out through their bodies.
In-the-Moment Scripts That Actually Work for Your Toddler
- Step in physically first — a calm hand as a barrier, before any words. Safety comes before conversation.
- Name it simply — “I won’t let you hurt the baby. I’ve got you both.” Firm, not angry.
- Offer the feeling a safer outlet — “You can hit this cushion if you’re feeling big feelings.” Redirect the energy, not just the behaviour.
- Reconnect once everyone’s calm — a hug, a quiet moment together, once the nervous system has settled. This is when learning actually happens, not mid-meltdown.
If this is a pattern in your house right now, our free 5-Day Nervous System Reset gives you five short daily practices to build your own capacity to respond calmly, even in these high-stakes moments.
What to Do After the Moment Has Passed
Avoid forced apologies in the heat of the moment — they teach performance, not empathy. Instead, once things are calm, gently wonder aloud together: “That was a big feeling. What was going on for you?” Over time, this builds the very skill you’re trying to protect — the ability to feel something big without needing to act it out physically.
This kind of overwhelm doesn’t only show up in toddlers — it’s often mirrored in parents feeling overstimulated too, and working on your own regulation genuinely helps theirs. If you’d like ongoing support through moments like these, The Joyful Parenting Project is built for exactly this.
