If you feel like you are losing yourself in motherhood, then this article is for you.
Somewhere between the toddler’s snack requests and the newborn’s next feed, you’ve had the thought: who even am I anymore? Not “tired mum” tired — something quieter and heavier, like the version of you that existed before two kids has gone somewhere you can’t quite reach.
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This post pairs with Episode 5 of our Breathe, Laugh, Parent – The Shine Om Podcast, “From Maiden to Mother: Navigating and Reclaiming Your Identity in Motherhood” — recorded before this exact season, but just as true for anyone adjusting to two.
Prefer audio? Listen to the full episode on Spotify, or read the original companion post.
Why a Second Baby Hits Motherhood Identity So Much Harder
With your firstborn, there was often still a version of “you” left over — a nap window, a spare hour, a sense of eventually getting your body and headspace back. With two, the gaps close. There’s no true off switch, and the identity that used to exist in those small pockets of time can start to feel like it’s evaporated. This isn’t a personal failing. It’s simply what happens when demand outpaces recovery time, for a while.
You Don’t Need to Wait for the Baby to Sleep Through
Reclaiming a sense of self doesn’t have to wait for an easier season — it can start in two-minute increments, threaded through the chaos rather than scheduled after it. A few honest sentences in a journal, a song that’s just yours, a text to a friend who knew you before kids. One deep breath in and a sigh out. Small, but real.
If you’d like a gentle place to start putting words to what’s shifted, our free You Matter Too journaling resource was built for exactly this season.
You Are Allowed to Miss Who You Were
Missing your old self doesn’t mean you love your children any less — it means you’re human, and you’re in the middle of one of the biggest identity shifts a person can go through. This feeling isn’t permanent, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.
If you’d like real support finding yourself again inside this season, not after it, The Joyful Parenting Project holds space for exactly this. Start with You Matter Too.
