One minute your toddler was excited to be a big sibling. Now they won’t look at the new baby, or worse, they’re saying things like “send the baby back” — and you’re lying awake wondering: is something wrong with my child, or is this on me?
This article addresses this exact feeling, and to let you know that you’re definitely not alone.
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This Isn’t Hate for the New Baby, It’s Grief
What looks like hatred is almost always grief wearing a toddler’s face. Your child hasn’t just gained a sibling — they’ve lost something too: being the only one, having you undivided, the family exactly as it was. Grief in a small child doesn’t look like sadness. It looks like anger, avoidance, or harsh words about the very thing they’re grieving. Naming it this way changes everything about how you respond.
What Grief Looks Like in a Toddler
- Refusing to look at, hold, or be near the baby
- Saying they wish the baby would go away
- Suddenly rejecting things they used to love, including you
- Big reactions to small things that have nothing to do with the baby
None of this means your child is unkind, and it doesn’t mean the sibling bond is broken before it’s begun. It means they’re processing a genuinely enormous change in the only way available to them.
What Helps a Toddler with a New Sibling
Resist the urge to correct the feeling (“you love your sister really”) and instead make room for it: “It’s hard having a baby here now. You miss how it used to be. I miss it sometimes too.” Feeling met, rather than corrected, is what actually softens this over time — not lectures about sharing or gratitude.
If you’d like a clearer picture of what’s happening in your own nervous system right now too — because your steadiness is what helps your toddler’s grief move through, rather than get stuck — our free Nervous System Quiz takes three minutes and gives you a personalised starting point.
This ‘Hate New Baby’ Passes
Almost every family I work with moves through a season exactly like this, and almost every one of them comes out the other side with a genuinely close sibling bond. The hardest part isn’t fixing your child’s feelings — it’s staying steady while they move through them.
If you’d like support through this whole season, not just this one hard moment, The Joyful Parenting Project holds space for exactly this transition. Start with the Nervous System Quiz if you’re not sure where to begin.
